“What Kind of Dumpling am I?” and Other Important Life Questions

Write it on your heart
that every day is the best day in the year.
He is rich who owns the day, and no one owns the day
who allows it to be invaded with fret and anxiety.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Week 1 of 2017 is officially done.

I’m still thinking a lot about what this year has in store for me. 2017 is full of unknowns, which is exciting and nerve-racking all at once. However, sometimes waiting gets old. Sometimes I want to know now what my future holds. This whole “figuring-life-out” thing is not nearly as glamorous and romantic as in the movies. Can I at least have my meet cute already?

So what’s a 20-something millennial to do? Ask Google. 

Except that only led me to tarot reading room sites and free online horoscopes, neither of which seemed at all reliable. I decided to go with a more surefire approach: BuzzFeed quizzes. In case you’re unfamiliar with BuzzFeed quizzes, they are free online standardized exams that test for cultural knowledge, determine personality traits, and give insight into potential future events. Think Myers-Briggs but faster, cheaper, and with less acronyms (I’m a QTPI but I could be making that up). While the results don’t always include a formal report, the test-taker can easily determine one’s percentile by perusing the comments. The results are pretty accurate, with a standard deviation approaching zero.

That’s enough boring talk. Point is, I decided to use BuzzFeed to determine what my 2017 will look like. Who knows, maybe my next post will be titled “2017: Year in Review.” One can hope.

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WARNING: Tempting BuzzFeed quiz links ahead. Read at your own risk. MTWD  is not responsible for any lost time or damaged productivity. 

Which “Rogue One” Character Are You? You got: Gallen Erso. You’re highly intelligent, and that is both a gift and a curse. You’re a big believer in changing things from within the system.

Wow, what a great start. You’re telling me that I’ll have to abandon my daughter on a foreign planet for the greater good and then die after spending a lifetime hating my boss? Is there a smuggler I can pay to get me out of this mess? I’d like to add that I have an American accent*, so no way I’m with the bad guys.

(*I once mapped out my vowel space on a chart for a linguistics class, so I can prove it! On the chart, you’ll also note my slight Chicano English accent by the /ɪ/ getting a little too close with /i/ and the back rounded lax vowel approaching schwa {…She continues talking about vowels but you’ve stopped listening…})

What Show Should You Binge-Watch First In 2017? You got: Once Upon a Time

I’ve never made it past season 1. This could be problematic.

Which Famous Ryan Is Your Soulmate? You got: Ryan Lochte 

While I do love the Olympics and swimming, I don’t think this relationship will work out. Mostly because I don’t trust a guy who bleached his hair even though he swims for a living.

What Kind Of Dumpling Are You? You got: Empanadas. This Spanish/Latin American pastry turnover can be filled with a variety of savory ingredients and is typically either baked or fried.

It’s because I’m Mexican right? 🙄

What % Liar Are You Actually? You Got: 57% liar! You’re an occasional liar. You don’t lie just for the sake of lying but you do tell the occasional fib. You try to limit yourself to telling white lies but you’ve probably lied to get out of a jam or two.

Well then. That’s not going on my resume. I can assure you that everything that goes on this blog is 100% accurate. It’s not my fault that our interpretations of events may differ.

These Five “Harry Potter” Questions Will Determine Your True Hogwarts House You got: Ravenclaw

Hmmm… But what if I feel that I have a heart of a Gryffindor yet the mind of a Ravenclaw? This is a serious question that keeps me up at night. Not kidding.

This Test Will Reveal Your Relationship Status At The End Of 2017 You got: In A Relationship. Oh, nice! Good for you

After this blog post, I figured that would be a given.

THIS IS NOT A DRILL: Answer These Questions And We’ll Determine When You’ll Get Married  You got: This year. It may sound cheesy, but you’re totally getting married this year!

The questions all had to do with pizza. Seems legit. I guess that relationship will get serious real quick. Also, does this mean I have to get a Pinterest account?

Are You More Ross Geller Or Michael Scott? You got: Ross Geller. Like Ross, you’re the smart and witty member of your friend group. You are protective of your friends, and although you can be a bit judgmental, everyone knows you mean well and care about them.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, not the first time I’ve been called a Ross Gellar. My only hope is that I never purchase leather pants that unexpectedly shrink on me or that I forget to drop the “Mississippi’s” while counting in a tanning booth.

Pick 5 Items From The McDonald’s Breakfast Menu And We’ll Tell You How Rich You’ll Be You got: Millionaire. You’ll become a millionaire! Pretty much everyone’s dream. You’ll own multiple homes, travel to exotic locations, and enjoy fabulous things. You’ll still have to work, but it’ll be nice to see the fruits of your labor.

Does that make me a McMillionaire?

I’m sorry. I even cringed at that. Unfortunately, I couldn’t resist. (That’s only 57% true).

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Well, that was a waste of my time. Must’ve not read my own disclaimer.

My desire to know what tomorrow brings isn’t wrong or unnatural. It’s honest. I guess the moral of the story is that agonizing over the future leads to bad things, like taking 10 BuzzFeed quizzes in once sitting. Perhaps what I really want out of this new year is to find the secret of contentment. I want to learn how to be content no matter what 2017 brings. 

Especially when I become a millionaire.