I regard romantic comedies as a subgenre of sci-fi, in which the world operates according to different rules than my regular human world.
Are you ready to be the leading lady of your love life? Do you want to begin your “happily ever after” starting tomorrow?
With this handy new guide, NOW YOU CAN! For a limited time Valentine’s Day offer, I’m releasing a free excerpt of my forthcoming self-help book, From Plucky Comic Relief to Main Romantic Interest in 30 Days (Pre-ordering available soon). I’ve dedicated half of my life to exploring how Hollywood has provided all the answers to life’s hardest questions about love: “What should I wear?” “Will he like me?” and even the classic, “Should I bring a burger in my purse in case the line at the restaurant is 2 miles long because it’s Valentine’s Day?” Fret no longer. Below, I’ve compiled some of the best nuggets of wisdom romantic films have taught us over the years. You’ll have him saying, “As you wish” like Westley before you know it.
On Finding Mr. Right and Getting Him to Stay
Love Actually: Airports are romantic, so consider having your Valentine’s date at one. Remember that the less a woman talks, the more irresistible she is.
Grease: If you want a guy to like you, be willing to change everything about yourself. You better shape up because you need a man.
27 Dresses: Don’t fall in love with your boss because he will love your lying sister more than you.
Never Been Kissed: When in doubt, impersonate a high school student.
10 Things I Hate About You: Subtle references to Shakespeare are hot. (Exhibit A: Look no further than the name of this blog.)
What Women Want: Finding a man who can read your mind is the key to happiness.
The Holiday: Chances are the love of your life lives on the other side of the world. Sad.
13 Going on 30: But if you’re lucky and your childhood best friend is your true love, you won’t even realize it on your own. Thank goodness for magical glitter dust for helping you see reason.
On Expectations and Common Misconceptions
While You Were Sleeping: First impressions aren’t everything. For instance, if you judged this movie by the title alone, you could have easily mistaken it for a horror film instead of a romcom. (True story.)
How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days: Mutual deception is the best way to begin any relationship.
The Proposal: Illegal immigration is only sexy and romantic if you’re Canadian.
Two Weeks Notice: He can be the living embodiment of everything you find wrong in the world, but if he has a cute British accent, it’s okay.
Leap Year: Your true love might not necessarily be a prince. WAIT! That’s that other Amy Adams movie…Enchanted…
Christian Mingle: This film contributes nothing to this guide or society. I’m merely making a PSA: if you watched this movie in its entirety, I’m starting a support group.
Pretty Woman: If you’re still feeling down about Christian Mingle or your love life in general, I’d suggest recreating the “Big Mistake. Big. Huge!” scene on unsuspecting shopkeepers.
Hitch: Dancing is an essential component of any grand romance (and chick flick). Take lessons–Date Doctor’s orders.
La La Land: If the mood is just right, you might suddenly take flight while dancing. Don’t be scared; this is perfectly normal.
Dirty Dancing: There’s nothing a final dance sequence can’t fix. With the proper lift technique, you can get your dad to approve of your boyfriend, erase class boundaries, and begin a happy ever after with your boo. You’re going to have the time of your life. (And you owe it all to me).
Save the Last Dance: Dancing leads to love.
Step Up: Dancing leads to love.
Step Up 2: Dancing leads to love.
Step Up 3D: Dancing leads to love.
Step Up Revolution: Dancing leads to love.
On Love and Marriage
Bridget Jones’s Baby: You might think you’re in love, but you need three movies, a few cheating scandals, some criminal charges, and a baby to prove it.
The Notebook: *Between sobs* I’m sorry. I can’t write about this movie. Their love story was so so beautiful.
He’s Just Not that Into You: 4 times out of 5, marriage will kill your relationship.
The Wedding Planner: If you do decide to get married, it might be best for you to plan your own wedding…
27 Dresses: And if you still need ideas for the perfect wedding, ask your sister about her dream wedding.
(On the rare chance you’re still single by the end of this post…)
Sleepless in Seattle: You can always count on the mystical romantic power of the Empire State Building. You’ll get that “Third Act/Final Love Confession” some day.
Bridget Jones’s Diary: And if you don’t, there’s double chocolate fudge ice cream in your freezer.
If you want a special mention in my fake book, From Plucky Comic Relief to Main Romantic Interest in 30 Days, please add your own “Movie: Sarcastic Comment” below. Trust me, that will make me smile more than another Mr. Darcy trope or surprise mid-movie life-changing makeover.