If you feel like your Starbucks barista is silently judging you based on your order, it’s because they are.
(1) Can I get a large caramel shake?
Barista: This chick must live under a rock. How hard is it to get the sizes right? It’s simple: short, tall, grande, Venti hot, Venti cold, Trenta for Teavana Shaken Iced Tea, Teavana Shaken Iced Tea Lemonade, Iced Coffee, Cold Brew and Starbucks Refreshers. And occasionally mini frappuccinos.
Oh and “shakes”?! Girl, please.
(2) Can I just get a regular coffee?
Barista: You’re simple and boring and didn’t order a frappuccino—that’s why I love you. Even though you don’t realize that there’s a gas station across the street that sells coffee at half the price.
(3) Can I do a Frappula Frappuccino with three shots of espresso, three scoops of protein powder, soy milk, six pumps of sugar free white mocha syrup, extra whip cream, and no ice?
Barista: Oh gosh, what blog did you get that from?
(4) Can I get a cold brew with no water and an extra shot?
Barista: I’ll be praying for you today, honey.
(5) Can I get a Unicorn Frap?
Barista: How dare you? HOW. DARE. YOU. Did you not see that BuzzFeed article on how much Starbucks baristas loathe this “poison-infused abomination”? Did you not hear about that one barista losing it, begging people NOT to get it? Also, it’s May. You’re like 10 weeks too late.
(6) Can I get six venti Strawberry and Creme Frappuccinos?
Barista: Don’t judge. Don’t judge. Don’t judge. Don’t judge. Don’t judge. Don’t judge. Don’t judge. Don’t judge. Don’t judge. Don’t judge. Don’t judge. Don’t judge. Don’t judge. Don’t judge. Don’t judge.
Dang it, I can’t resist…. I’m judging.
(7) Can I get a TALL. HOT. PASSION. tea. You know, just like me? [Wink, wink.]
Barista: Ewwww nope. Just for that, I’m gonna misspell your name on purpose.
(8) Can I get a Pumpkin Spice Latte?
Barista: I’d call you a basic white girl, except you’re ordering this in May. That’s on a whole other level.
(9) Can I get a grande Strawberry Acai Refresher?
Barista: Oooooh you classy! Still drinking 20 grams of sugar, but you classy!
(10) Can I just get a water?
Barista: Boy, you can even have my number cuz that’s my favorite drink.
About the picture: Yep, those are a few of my favorite mugs. Nope, I don’t work at Starbucks. Yep, I know I like Starbucks a little too much.
Also, make sure to like my new Facebook page! I can’t guarantee free coffee, but you never know.