A Motel, a Dollhouse, and College Dorm All in One

 

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You are graduating from college. That means that this is the first day of the last day of your life. No, that’s wrong. This is the last day of the first day of school. Nope, that’s worse. This is a day.

-Andy Samberg

Since I recently wrote about my college apartment by the cemetery and my current “noisy neighbor” (who is still singing every night, by the way), I thought of an infamous college dorm I lived in my junior spring. Enjoy!

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I arrived late at night. I pulled my luggage through the snow and ice, the cold air hurting my eyes. Spring break in New England—delightful.

I stood in front of the white, shabby two-story building that would be my home for the spring quarter. The dormitory resembled a two-star motel, the kind you might invest in bedsheets from a local Walmart before spending the night. As I stared in disapproval, I promised right at that moment, that if I ever became a rich alumna, I would donate a whole bunch of money to tear this building down, build a beautiful new dorm, and slap my name across the front.

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A Bad Essay on Charlie Puth’s “We Don’t Talk Anymore”

We don’t talk anymore, we don’t talk anymore
We don’t talk anymore, like we used to do

Charlie Puth

The following satirical essay will be much more enjoyable if you’re familiar with Charlie Puth’s “We Don’t Talk Anymore.”  Most of the information in this essay is loosely based on true facts, but some of it is so loosely based on real details that it’s debatable whether “loosely based” is still an appropriate description.


Class: MUS 52.21 Contemporary Music

Professor Flibert

Due: In 1.5 hrs.

Let’s Talk about Why “We Don’t Talk Anymore”: A Lyrical Analysis of Puth

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