The Mix-Up

Brother: I read your blog about healthy eating. Those are my favorite kind, the ones that are short and relatable.

Me: Thanks for reading my blog. I don’t always know when you read it.

Brother: Yeah, the ones about swimming too, and the one about the beach.

Me: Beach? Which one are you talking about?

Brother: The one with the couple having sex on the beach.

Me: What? I didn’t write about that on my blog.

Brother: Yeah, yeah you did. And there were like Pokemon Go players too or something.

Me: Wait… Do you mean the story about the blind man and his wife at the marina, the one where she’s describing to him what she sees?

Brother: Yeah!!! That was the one.

Me: HAHAHAHA I can’t believe those were the two stories you mixed up.

Brother: Hahaha!

Me: I mean, I did tell you a story about seeing people having sex on the beach. And I guess both stories involve water and a couple.

Brother: I’m sure they were at two very different stages of their relationship.

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So yes, there was one time I saw a couple having sex on the beach. And no, I don’t mean the cocktail.

It happened about six months ago. They were on the side of a sand dune, right by the entrance to the beach. The audacity. It was a cold day. The beach wasn’t crowded, but people had still come out to see the sunset. Several people honked at them, others yelled, and a lucky few were oblivious to the live performance.

I had been a part of the few in ignorant bliss. That is, until my other brother told me, “Hey Evelyn, did you see that couple having sex over there?” Because that’s what you do when you see people having sex on a public beach:

You tell your little sister so she can be scarred for life.


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Healthy Eating

Calvin: Why are you crying mom?
Mom: I’m cutting up an onion.
Calvin: It must be hard to cook if you anthrpomorphisize your vegetables.

― Bill Watterson, The Complete Calvin and Hobbes

One of my goals this summer is to learn how to cook healthier. Like most things in life, this is easier said than done, especially when my culinary knowledge is severely lacking (e.g. I can name more works by Charles Dickens than I can herbs and spices).

Thus, following a recipe takes a lot of private consulting with Google, YouTube, and my mother. I’ve been humbled through the process, often having to step out of my comfort zone of cereal and milk. And I mean that “stepping out part” literally; I’ve spent much more time walking around in a daze, up and down grocery store aisles in the search of strange, obscure ingredients.

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To Kill a Mockingbird

“Remember it’s a sin to kill a mockingbird.” That was the only time I ever heard Atticus say it was a sin to do something, and I asked Miss Maudie about it.
“Your father’s right,” she said. “Mockingbirds don’t do one thing but make music for us to enjoy . . . but sing their hearts out for us. That’s why it’s a sin to kill a mockingbird.”

Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird

A mockingbird has taken up residence in our neighborhood. I finally understand why Atticus had to tell people NOT to kill mockingbirds… you know, aside from all the literary and metaphorical implications, of course.

In case you’re either not familiar with the mockingbird’s cacophonous call, too lazy to look up bird calls on Google, or prefer my hyperbolic and hardly technical description, you should know that mockingbirds are nature’s car alarm salesmen (salebirds?). Every 5 to 10 seconds, they change their song:

Beeeeep, beep, beep, beeeeeep, beep, beep;

WEE-woo WEE-woo WEE-woo;

(in rapid succession) tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet;

awk awk AWWWWK awk awk AWWWK;

toot toot CHIRRRRP CHIRRRP;

chip yip yip chip…

Bird watchers, Harper Lee, and others are under the impression that this qualifies as “music.” And I guess I agree (if you’re using a very loose definition of music). It’s as the saying goes: one person’s squawking is another’s Justin Bieber.

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The Shortcut through the Cemetery

IMG_1420

New England in the fall, and also the quintessential Instagram picture. I’m so proud.

“You can see how this book has reached a great boundary that was called 1900. Another hundred years were ground up and churned, and what had happened was all muddied by the way folks wanted it to be—more rich and meaningful the farther back it was.”

John Steinbeck, East of Eden

“The years go by, and I’ve told the story so many times that I’m not sure anymore whether I actually remember it or whether I just remember the words I tell it with… At this point, what difference does it make whether it was me or some other man that saw Moreira killed.”

Jorge Luis Borges, “The Night of the Gifts” (Trans. Andrew Hurley)

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My senior year of college, I lived in an apartment next to an old cemetery. 

The cemetery had headstones and crypts that dated back to the 18th century. Several of them belonged to the college’s first students. I always wondered whether they willingly chose to be buried there out of devotion to the college, or whether academic rigor got to them before they could graduate. I typically assumed the latter.

The cemetery was mostly green and wooded. Parts of it were steep, and it even had a ravine dividing it down the middle. With its tall trees and eery voices, the graveyard was hauntingly beautiful. During the fall and spring, I used to take a shortcut through the cemetery. I was drawn to the tranquility and quiet, and of course, the dining hall on the other side. I told myself it was a shortcut, but I still doubt if it actually was. I had to climb down a sharp incline then up another hill to get across, usually taking about as much effort as just walking around the cemetery. I never dared to take the path during winter, lest I came across winter gnomes, shout in surprise, then slip, break a leg, and freeze to death.   Continue reading

Dear Person Who Just Unfriended Me On Facebook

Hello ex-friend.

I’d like to congratulate you. Your passive-aggressive way of ending our friendship took some real guts.

Well, well, well. You thought I’d never find out what you did, huh? You didn’t count on me having that “Who Deleted Me” app on my Chrome browser, didja? Well, I do, so joke’s on you. I know EXACTLY what you did. You unfriended me on Facebook, and I’m never gonna forget it. 

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The Plights of Curly Hair

Janis: Gretchen Wieners knows everybody’s business. She knows everything about everyone.

Damian: That’s why her hair is so big; it’s full of secrets.

Mean Girls (2004)

The opinions expressed in this blog post are the author’s own and do not reflect the views and experiences of all people with naturally curly hair. Please be advised to remember that curly-haired persons face unique challenges associated with their hair on a daily basis.

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I spent half my childhood crying whenever anyone brushed my hair. Thus began the longest love-hate relationship of my life.

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Declaration of Grievances whilst Shopping for Women’s Clothing

 

 

The unanimous Declaration of One Woman whilst shopping for clothing in the United States of America. 

 

When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one woman to single out her greatest grievances surrounding the production and design of women’s clothing, to assume among the people of the earth a position different from that which they have hitherto occupied, but one to which the laws of nature and of nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to such a course. 

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A Bad Essay on Charlie Puth’s “We Don’t Talk Anymore”

We don’t talk anymore, we don’t talk anymore
We don’t talk anymore, like we used to do

Charlie Puth

The following satirical essay will be much more enjoyable if you’re familiar with Charlie Puth’s “We Don’t Talk Anymore.”  Most of the information in this essay is loosely based on true facts, but some of it is so loosely based on real details that it’s debatable whether “loosely based” is still an appropriate description.


Class: MUS 52.21 Contemporary Music

Professor Flibert

Due: In 1.5 hrs.

Let’s Talk about Why “We Don’t Talk Anymore”: A Lyrical Analysis of Puth

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