The Year of the Unicorn (Frap): 2017 in 25 Facebook Statuses

It’s the little things that make happy moments, not the grand events. Joy comes in sips, not gulps.

~Sharon Draper

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As the year wraps up, I hope you’ve braced yourselves for the onslaught of “year-in-review” and “2017 bashing” videos and posts coming your way from all sides this weekend. I’ll let the big news agencies and everyone else cover the heavy stuff.

Instead, I’ve taken a much more lighthearted approach. From January to December, here’s my year, summed up in 25 Facebook statuses. I went through all my posts from the last year and picked my favorites. Never forget, 2017 was the year that Starbucks dazzled us with unicorn frappuccinos, the Harry Potter series turned 20, and poop emoji’s are still a thing, leaving sociologists and cultural analysists with plenty of material for future research.

Enjoy!  

5 Things I’ve Been Doing Instead of Blogging

I’ve been gone for some time, and to be honest, I’ve really missed all of you! I feel somewhat guilty for just falling off the grid with no explanation…

So now I’m gonna do that thing bloggers do from time to time, when they feel they have horribly failed their audience. Every bad apology has a few lame excuses. Here are mine:

10 Silent Judgments Your Starbucks Barista Makes About You

If you feel like your Starbucks barista is silently judging you based on your order, it’s because they are. 

Getting the News in the Year 2017

It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

-Jerry Seinfeld

Mary made a quick stop at a local grocery store to buy apples. She reached for an apple that seemed to meet her fruit standards. Immediately, she realized someone had already taken a bite of the apple. The apple slipped through her fingers as she cringed. She grabbed a different apple, then another, and then one more. To her horror, Mary discovered that all the gala apples had the same bite marks. The red delicious were left untouched. 

Mary stepped back, clearly disgusted. That’s when she saw a young man taking her picture with his phone.

A Guide to Love for Single Women: RomCom Edition

I regard romantic comedies as a subgenre of sci-fi, in which the world operates according to different rules than my regular human world.

-Mindy Kaling

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Are you ready to be the leading lady of your love life? Do you want to begin your “happily ever after” starting tomorrow?

With this handy new guide, NOW YOU CAN! For a limited time Valentine’s Day offer, I’m releasing a free excerpt of my forthcoming self-help book, From Plucky Comic Relief to Main Romantic Interest in 30 Days (Pre-ordering available soon). I’ve dedicated half of my life to exploring how Hollywood has provided all the answers to life’s hardest questions about love: “What should I wear?” “Will he like me?” and even the classic, “Should I bring a burger in my purse in case the line at the restaurant is 2 miles long because it’s Valentine’s Day?” Fret no longer. Below, I’ve compiled some of the best nuggets of wisdom romantic films have taught us over the years. You’ll have him saying, “As you wish” like Westley before you know it.

Minimalism.

In a nation that was proud of hard work, strong families, close-knit communities and our faith in God, too many of us now tend to worship self-indulgence and consumption. Human identity is no longer defined by what one does but by what one owns.

-President Jimmy Carter

The original title for this post was “Minimalism: I watched a Netflix documentary, read a few blogs, and now, I’m an expert” but I decided to minimize it to simply “Minimalism.” for obvious reasons.

35 Thoughts I Had During a Blackout

If it weren’t for electricity, we’d all be watching television by candlelight.
-George Gobel

The lights briefly flicker before going out. My world goes dark (not really; it’s 3pm), and the saga begins.

3 Reasons Why I’m Not an Animal Person

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.

—Robert Benchley

 

I can already feel people won’t like this post. Before you start calling me names, I hope you read the whole post before unleashing your fury in the comments section.

“What Kind of Dumpling am I?” and Other Important Life Questions

Write it on your heart
that every day is the best day in the year.
He is rich who owns the day, and no one owns the day
who allows it to be invaded with fret and anxiety.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Week 1 of 2017 is officially done.

I’m still thinking a lot about what this year has in store for me. 2017 is full of unknowns, which is exciting and nerve-racking all at once. However, sometimes waiting gets old. Sometimes I want to know now what my future holds. This whole “figuring-life-out” thing is not nearly as glamorous and romantic as in the movies. Can I at least have my meet cute already?

Toddler New Year’s Resolutions

I’m sure by now, you’re over “Year in Review” posts or reasons why 2016 was the worst thing since the time before sliced bread. I know I am. That’s why I wanted to write about something totally different: New Year’s resolutions. As I was writing my goals for 2017, I realized no one ever asks toddlers for their take on the upcoming year. I found this baffling because toddlers are some of the most exciting, loving, and honest people around.

That’s why this week, I sat down with the little kids in my life and talked about their New Year’s resolutions.